STAR WARS DAY

 

It’s may the 4th

Felicitations to you

Its Star Wars day

May the fourth be with you

HO OH

 

Everyone loves Santa

With every happy Ho Ho Ho

Even when he walks backwards

Going Oh Oh Oh

I DON’T UNDERSTAND MARKETING

 

I don’t understand marketing at all

When opportunities seem myriad

Like a sanitary products campaign

Specifically, for the Christmas period

ELF IS AN ACRONYM

 

ELF is an acronym

And it has them running amuck

Because it’s Santa’s code

For the Elves he’d like to f**k

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES EVER – MRS. MIRACLE 2, MIRACLE IN MANHATTAN

 

Mrs. Merkle (Doris Roberts) as if by holiday magic pops up in a family-owned New York City department store as a sassy saleswoman, but no one remembers hiring her.

She gets to work quickly on her boss Jake (Eric Johnson) and his dad, JR (Tom Butler) who have a strained relationship to say the least.

Her mission is to help JR rediscover the magic of Christmas while helping along a romance with Jake and Holly (Jewel Staite).

Holly is a beautiful but put-upon assistant to a fashion designer, Lindy Lowe (Lauren Holly), and is also the legal guardian to her nephew, Gabe, while her brother is overseas with the army.
But before long with her unquenchable and infectious spirit, she has things under control at the store but Mrs. Miracle still had a lot work ahead of her in order that it is a magical Christmas for all.

WHEN I WAS A KID @ XMAS

 

When I was a kid

On Christmas Morning

The day began

With excited howls

Of “Has he been?”

Because we didn’t get gifts

Until my Dad

Had evacuated his bowels

A BELL RINGER GOT THE BELL ROPE

 

A Bell ringer got the bell rope

Tangled around his thigh

And as a result, he caught

His ding dong merrily on high

ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS KNICKS?

 

Are you wearing Christmas knicks?

Proper novelty underwear

All festively decked down below

In a suitably seasonal pair

It doesn’t matter the decor

It will make an old man stare

Just you in your Christmas knickers

What wonderful Christmas fare

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 36

Twas the night before Christmas

And all along the street

The faithful walked to Church

Where they would meet

To celebrate the Mass and wait

For Christmas Day to greet

SANTA HAD TO INSURE THE SLEIGH

Santa had to insure the sleigh

At a fixed premium every time he flew

But on Christmas Eve it was more like

The Net Present Value

ONE OF SANTA'S REINDEER

One of Santa's reindeer

Thinks only of himself

And he has bad manners

Obviously its Rude-Olph

THE NORTH POLE HAS A PET # 2

The North Pole has a pet 

Owned by Santa Claus

And Santa called his Cat

Predictably, Santa Claws

Snippets of Downshire Life – Christmas Carol Concert

 

Brassington is a large sprawling village nestled in the wooded hills on the southern edge of the Dancingdean Forest in the south east corner of Downshire and in one of a row of terraced Victorian Cottages lived Craig Hooper, a Detective Sgt in the Downshire Constabulary, and he lived next door to divorcee sisters Chrissy Holdack and Carol Hutchins.

They were all in their mid to late thirties and with no romantic attachments, so they got on very well.

But when Chrissy and Craig got together on Christmas Jumper Day, Carol decided things had to change in her life.

She had been deflecting the attentions of Ashwin Soman for several months, and she really liked him, but she had put him off because she didn’t want to upset the comfortable domestic dynamic between her and Chrissy.

But that wasn’t an issue now as her friend and next-door neighbour Craig had already done that, but not just a Christmas indiscretion, it was something serious, so with them “loved up” Carol realised that she didn’t need to live her life on the side lines and was ready to get in the game.

 

Ashwin was the 40-year-old widowed, owner and manager of the Stephenson’s corner shop, and was very highly regarded in Brassington, by villagers and customers alike.

One of those customers was of course Carol Hutchins who he knew very well but would have liked very much to have known her better.

She was five feet eight with thick corn coloured curls tumbling down onto her shoulders and startling blue eyes, with a lovely figure, curvaceous and perfectly proportioned.

But every time he suggested doing something she was always busy, so he just admired her from a distance.

But then one day when divorcee Carol went into the shop to buy her newspaper, as she did most days, she was different.

“Good morning Ash”

“Hello Carol” he said, “The usual?”

“Yes please” she replied “And a favour”

“Oh ok” he said, “How can I help?”

“Well I’m going to the Carol Concert tomorrow” she said “and I was wondering…. Hoping, you might be free to…. Accompany me”

“I would be delighted” he said “I would like that very much”

“Excellent” she said “Thank you so much”

 

“Well done Carol” she said to herself on the way back to the cottage “You played a blinder there, part one complete”

She would put parts two and three into operation after the carol concert.

 

Ashwin was in a much more positive frame of mind regarding his affections for Carol than he had been for many months.

He put it down to Christmas magic, he liked Christmas and he liked Christmas Carols although he was not a Christian, in fact he wasn’t, anything.

Ashwin was of Indian descent, although he was born in Downshire, and he was raised as a Hindu, but had not practiced his faith, in fact he lost his faith when his wife Preeta died.

He loved his wife very much but after five years he had accepted it was time to move on, and Carol was the one he’d set his heart on.

 

Because Ashwin and Carol lived at opposite ends of the Village they met on the day outside the Pub, and after a drink at the Timberman’s they walked across the green to St Anthony's.

It was while they sat and had their drinks that Carol finalised part two of her plan in her head.

 

It was a marvellous service of hymns, carols, recitations and bible readings, and they sang some of her favourite carols and she was uplifted at the end of it and felt a little guilty considering what she had planned.

As they stepped outside she stumbled, and Ashwin had to reach out and prevent her from falling.

“Are you ok?” he asked with concern

“I think so” she replied and then winced

“What is it?”

“I’ve twisted my ankle” Carole said

“Can you put your weight on it?”

“I’ll try” she said and then winced again “no”

“Do you want to sit?”

“No, I’ll be alright if I can lean on you” she said

“Ok” he responded and supported her weight

“Is that better?”

“Much” she replied “Could I be a burden and ask you to walk me home”

“I will happily see you to your door” he said happily, and he walked her slowly to her cottage and once there she opened the door and asked.

“Do you want to come in for a coffee” and before he had chance to decline she dragged him across the threshold into the hall and closed the door behind him and went about thanking him for his gallantry, and part three was complete.

 

Carol and Ashwin lay silently in the afterglow in her bed and after a few minutes she turned her head to look at him.

“My goodness you take gallantry to a whole new level” she said from beneath the duvet.

“Well we Hindu’s take gallantry very seriously” he said, and she giggled and then she added

“I don’t make a habit of this”

“Nor do I” Aswin said “And this isn’t something I envisaged when you asked me to go to the Carol Concert”

He reached out and put his arm around her and she lay her head on his chest.

“Regrets?” she asked

“None” he confirmed

“Nor me” she whispered and kissed his skin “I have often dreamed of this”

“Me too” he said “But it wasn’t as I imagined”

 “I’m sorry if it wasn’t as good as you dreamed” she said

“I’ve only ever been with… I had only ever been with my ex-husband”

“It was every bit as I dreamed it would be” he reassured her

“I just never imagined it would ever happen”

She hugged him tightly and then he confessed

“I’m no expert in such matter” he confessed “and there’s been no one since Preeta, but I thought we did good”

“Me too” she said, and he felt her sighing breath on his chest

 

They lay entwined beneath the duvet and after about 5 minutes Ashwin broke the silence.

“I suppose I should go” he said “before Chrissy gets home”

“I don’t want you to go” she said

“It won’t be forever” he reassured her “There’s always tomorrow”

“I know” she said “But I thought you might show me some more gallantry”

“Your wish is my command my lady” he said and pulled her closer to him.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 35

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the place

Not a creature was stirring

With not a sound nor a trace

The whole family were next door

Where to their utter disgrace

With the neighbours away

They were robbing the place

PEOPLE EDUCATED AT ETON AND HARROW

People educated at Eton and Harrow

Have appropriately themed Advent Calendars

They still have twenty four doors

But they’re opened by Butlers or Chauffeurs

WHEN RUDOLPH HAD AN UPSET STOMACH

When Rudolph had an upset stomach

It was one of Santa little helpers

Who came to the sick Reindeers rescue

And gave him some Elka-seltzer

VISITING ETHOS

Santa Claus definitely

Has the right idea

When he only visits

People once a year

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 34

 

Twas the night before Christmas

And all thru the caravan

Not a creature was stirring

Which wasn’t the plan

But the camp site was flooded

So that was the reason

And would be out of action

For the festive season

THE SNOWMAN WORE A SMILE

 The Snowman wore a smile

And was quietly humming

Because he knew that soon

The snowblower was coming

CHRISTMAS EVE AT THE NORTH POLE

 Christmas Eve at the North Pole

Under moonlit skies

Creeping around the Village

Are the Mince spies